How To Find Your Soul Mate In A Year Or Less – Part I
This is part of the article series for “Find Your Soul Mate“, the top goal ranked in my recent poll Top 10 Goals of Goal Setting College Readers. Do subscribe to the feed so that you don’t miss out any of the articles!
You open the mailbox and fish out a white envelope. As you read its contents, you can’t help but gasp with bewilderment. It’s Betty, that plain and unattractive girl in your class. She’s getting married and has invited you to her wedding party.
Suddenly, you feel a slight tinge of envy welling inside of you.
How did she do that, you wonder? She was still single and unattached like yourself when you caught up with her during the last high school gathering and in less than a year, she’s getting hitched?
How did she manage to find her ideal partner in such a short time? You start asking yourself : when will you find your soul mate?
Frankly speaking, anyone can find a companion in whatever deadline he has so decided. And marriage doesn’t even have to be on the cards. Just setup a personal profile on some of the major online matchmaking websites and take the first person who respond. But I’m sure that’s not what you’re looking for. You want to find your soul mate, not just a companion or a spouse. A soul mate whom you can experience life together in a deeper understanding.
Fine, So How Do You Know If Someone is Your Soul Mate?
All of us want to live a life where we’re true to ourselves. Because only by being true to ourselves, we get to squarely see and appreciate the innate dreams and ideals which lie within the core of our lives. We’ll be able to know what drives us and what makes us happy. We’ll also be able to decipher what we’re good at, filling up the depths of our souls with rich experiences using these talents and write stories of failure or triumph as we savour and explore life.
A soul mate is someone who joins you in this very private journey. Your soul mate can be the one you marry. The one you cohabit. Or simply just your best friend.
One good way to assess whether someone is the soul mate you’ve been looking for is the LUST method. An easy to remember acronym for Lasting love, Unconditional acceptance, Selfless giving and Therapeutic growth.
Let me explain each one of them.
(1) Lasting Love
The very basic characteristic of a soul mate is that he must love you. Yes, head over heels in love with you. Though it may be tough to distinguish the love of a soul mate versus an ordinary romantic partner initially, with time, it’ll tell. The love of a soul mate gets stronger as he gets to know and accept every part of you. It’s like wine. Getting smoother and thicker with age. He’s very concerned about your welfare and will not bat an eyelid about making sacrifices just to care for you. He’s always there to support the decisions you’ve made but yet, has no qualms sharing his concerns.
My friend’s husband is one such strong loving soul mate. When she developed a high fever in Italy on a business trip many years ago, her husband, who was still her boyfriend then, wanted to take a 15 hour flight just to fly there and take care of her. If not for her continual assurance that she was in good hands, I’m sure he would have done that.
(2) Unconditional Acceptance
Why “unconditional”? Because if he accepts you into a marriage, relationship or friendship with the intention of changing you after, he’s not your soul mate. A soul mate will accept you as who you’re, appreciating for a fact that your positive and negative attributes make up your entirety. You can’t have one without the other.
For instance, if you’re a somewhat determined person and you always attain your goals the way you like it, great that’s a positive side of you. On the other hand, because of your determination, you may sometimes appear to be too stubborn and cause distress to some people around you. The soul mate weighs both sides in your favour, fully aware of the fact that if he tries to change you, he would also be distorting the trait that attracted him to you in the first place. The natural tolerance and understanding makes you feel safe and secure with him.
Remember, this has to be reciprocal. If you too, can see him as he is and learn to appreciate his good and bad, congratulations, you’ve just found yourself a soul mate!
(3) Selfless Giving
The person whom you’re spiritually connected is so appreciative of you that he’ll willing share every part of his life with you. I’m not literally referring to his life but rather, various aspects that are pretty much as valuable.
Such as time. He’ll constantly make an effort to connect with you not because he have to but rather because he wants to, knowing that such communication will help to foster the relationship and take it to a different level. An ex colleague of mine, for example would always take the time to call her boyfriend every day whenever she’s overseas, even if it was just for 5 minutes after a long and tiring day.
The next thing he’ll give? Drive. He’s always eager to find out your likes or dislikes, get to know your friends, join in the activities that you enjoy and letting you know his needs. His selfless givings include money too. Even when he doesn’t have a lot of it. Even when he’s facing financial difficulties, he’ll find little ways to share whatever pittance he has.
It’s a mistake to expect the selfless giving of your soul mate when you’re not like that yourself. Every characteristic of the LUST assessment is equally applicable to you. Because only when it’s mutual, can it be consider a soul mate relationship. Fair enough?
(4) Therapeutic Growth
Yes, both of you should grow together. It’s so enjoyable watching each of you grow that it’s literally therapeutic. You’re eager to learn more about your soul mate just as he’s interested to check out on you. He wants to know more about you through your family, your friends and your colleagues to help you see yourself in a light you’ve never before. He likes to take you on adventures or excursions where both of you laugh, cry or dream together, uncovering what makes each of you happy, angry, joyous or sorrow about.
Though it’s very likely that you may not have the same hobbies as he does, but what makes both of you tick is not just the physical activities but also, the emotional and psychological attachment. Your enthusiasm in sharing your learnings will definitely catch on him, encouraging him to tell you his adventures too.
That communal exchange is what makes soul mate relationships blossom.