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3 Things To Do When Friends Are Sniggering At Your Goals

By Ellesse

Have you ever tried telling your friends about your dream or ambition only to get scoffed at that you’d never succeed? What were you feeling then? Hurt? Disillusioned?

Don’t be.

Because when you start feeling so, sooner or later you’d find yourself distracted from the big picture. Those lousy feelings are such time wasters! You’d spend every minute justifying what right did Mrs Brown have for judging you, when you could have used that time for working on your goal!

Instead of letting those negative feelings conquer your enthusiasm and eat up your motivation, here are 3 things that I’ve learned. It’s not omnipotent, but it’s something that has worked for me.

Stop

The moment you start getting negative surges, stop what you’re thinking. Yes, kill that little devil in your mind that’s saying :”Oh, they’re absolutely right. You won’t be able to make it. That goal is totally beyond your reach.” By stopping the flow of unwanted thoughts, you’re weeding out the noises that could be accidentally sent to the Universe. Remember, the Law of Attraction is unable to differentiate between good and bad intentions. Surely you don’t want to send the wrong message?

Ha. I got to practice this technique for the umpteenth time yesterday. I shared with a friend my plan to quit my job and embark on a business venture. Initially she was supportive. But when she knew that my goal was just to be “financially free” and not to become the next millionaire that Singapore is already inundated with, she said, trying to suppress a cynical smile “Nah, I thought you’d have loftier dreams than that. With your low monthly expenses, it should be quite easy to generate a passive income to cover.”

Unknowingly, I found myself jumping into a defensive mode. Deep inside my head, I was thinking “Yeah right, if you think that is easy, then do it and show me!” I was about to flare up when I suddenly remember the stop technique. Instantly, I stared into the distant background and her voice began to fade. I felt much calmer. Don’t worry. In the end, nothing “undesirable” happened. But it was indeed a close shave. Haha.

As you can see, the key to stopping your negative thoughts is to shift your focus. When you sense a sinking feeling on your chest, immediately channel your attention way from your ego. For me, I’ll usually turn my sight away from the person making the comments and peer into the background. It’s quite effective. But, what works for me may not be suitable for you, so you may want to explore other ways such as

  • Changing The Subject Of Your Conversation

    If he can’t talk about your goals, he can’t make you feel any worse than what is already going through your mind!

  • Feeling Grateful He’s Taking The Time To Listen To You!

    When you’re grateful, you tend to uplift yourself from 1 state to another condition, deviating yourself away from the ego of your personal emotions to another level of consciousness.

Be Aware

On my way back home after yesterday session, I started to think through the dialogue with my friend.

Initially, there was a strong impulse to disagree with what she said, but as the awareness settled down, I realized that a lot of the discomfort stemmed from my own insecurity. Not her mincing words. Not her skeptical smile. Even though my mind was bent on leaving the job and breaking into new ground, the heart did not totally resonate. That inner incongruence resulted in a fragile exterior that got easily cracked under pressure. At the same time, I pondered about my external circumstances. Should I have even shared my goal with this particular friend whom I’d known to be quite a skeptic? Or should I have chosen instead to associate with pals holding similar positive ambitions?

Being aware is finding out the root cause of your discomfort. Ask yourself “Why am I feeling like this?”, “What’s affecting me?” and “What could I do to feel better” and start evaluating yourself from your internal thoughts to your external environment. Don’t fall into the trap of self denial by avoiding issues that involve connecting with your reality. Be completely truthful and get ready for the wonderful insights you’ll get from this exercise.

Take Control

Once you know what is the cause, resolve to keep it under control by taking action. If you know you’ll crumble under the negativity of skeptical people, kick them out of your life. Don’t feel remorseful about doing that. What’s the point of staying true to people who’s waiting for a chance to pounce on you and make snide remarks such as “See, I told you it won’t work” or “Sometimes, it’s better not to bite more than you can chew”? Start getting to know another bunch of friends who’ll encourage you and see you through the road of success. For example, if you’ve always wanted to author a book, participate in writing clubs that’ll hook you up with like minded folks, who’ll love to read and edit your drafts for you.

If you know that you’re feeling insecure of your goal because you can’t see where you’re heading towards, learn to draft out a goal plan and build up little morale boosters along the way. Talk to successful people who have been there, done that to get better visibility of what you can achieve. Watch self help videos, listen to motivational audios everyday to keep yourself uplifted.

As you strive to take control, you’ll notice a complete makeover of your internal constitution such that no cynical comments can seep through. And when you eventually succeed, it’s your turn to have the last laugh. Ha Ha Ha.

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